Some of My Random Thoughts

June 6, 2010 at 9:06 am (Uncategorized)

So it’s been a while since I last posted something on my blog, I’ve actually kind of given up on the whole blogging thing, but it is finals week and before I can begin studying for the finals, I needed to get down some of my thoughts about my recent break-up with a guy I thought I loved very much.

He was (I hate that now I have to use the past tense for this) my love and my life. I was so happy with him. Sure, we fought, but that’s normal. We’d always make-up and move on with our lives. He’s a senior and I am junior in college so there would have been a gap year before I would have graduated. We were both applying to medical school and I thought that we would continue our relationship long-distance with an occasional visit here and there and then we would matriculate to the same medical school and start right where we left off, but this time beginning our professional life together. HOWEVER, the part that makes me the most hurt is the fact that he didn’t even want to try to continue the long-distance relationship. That meant that he did not even want for the relationship to continue in the first place, because if you wanted something to work you would do everything in your power to make it happen, and if doesn’t then it isn’t for lack of trying. I later found out that he didn’t want it to continue.

After ruminating over how he broke up with me, I fluctuate between extreme hurt and extreme hate. What is it today? It’s hate.

So, with that said, if you ever see this, even though I am sure you won’t, because you have already forgotten about me and have moved on, like an assbag that you are, I will tell you exactly how much I hate you.

1) I hate you for wasting 2 years of my life. That’s all I can regard them as. As a fucking waste of my time.

2) I hate you for allowing me to become so enamoured with you.

3) I hate that you messed up my vision of us having a nice life together.

4) I hate you for using words like ‘future’ and ‘we will’ making me think that there was an ‘us’ beyond the undergraduate level

5) I hate that you are such a god-damned push-over and and can never speak up for yourself making me seem like I walked over you.

6) I hate that you keep everything to yourself that is bothering you and then you use that as an excuse to break-up with me.

7) I hate that I keep dwelling on this and as far as I am concerned you have forgotten about me just like that.

8 ) I hate that I had so many ‘firsts’ with you and you are willing to throw all that away

9) I hate that if there was something bothering you, you never said anything about it until it became too late. How the hell am I supposed to be a mind-reader??

10) I hate that you said that you said you weren’t ready for a commitment when you knew fully well that I was. Which meant that you were leading me on for 2 whole years!

11) I hate that you ended it during finals week.

There are so many more hateful sentences that I could write, but I am so angry right now that writing about it is only taking more time away from what I need to do.

In summary, I hate you. I hate you so goddamn much. I wish you the worst in life right now. I hope you are never happy. Ever. I hope that you are so consumed with guilt that it immobilizes you. I hope that this makes you realize how shitty a person you are, because you are. You’re such a shitty person. You’re such a loser who depended too much on me. You are so worthless. The shit in the toilet is worth more than you.

Fuck you, asshole.

That is all.

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1 Comment

  1. Assbag said,

    I suppose I deserve that, but for the record I will NEVER move on and just forget you.

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