Back to the Beginning

June 18, 2010 at 8:04 am (Uncategorized)

I seem to always come back to this forum to express my thoughts. But it helps somewhat. So yesterday was our final goodbye and I cried harder and longer than I have ever cried in my life before. Ever. I cannot believe that it’s really over. But perhaps this distance thing will make things easier. Maybe.

But now I am back to feeling hopelessly angry. So here it is: I hate you once again. The same hate that I got over a while ago is back. I hate you and it’s stronger this time. Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate. Yep. That’s correct. And I am feeling the same regrets about ever spending two years doing anything with you that I was before. It’s all rushing back.

I want you to realize that you did me wrong. You hurt me so badly. I want you to come to your senses and realize what it is you are doing and what you lost, but then again, I don’t want to be hurt all over again by you. So maybe we do need some time apart like you said. So stay away from me, although I am sure I really did not need to say that, I did/will anyway. Stay the hell away from me.

Thanks for everything you have done for me. And thanks for nothing.

I found this website, I thought I’d share it: http://tinyurl.com/3dg

Have a nice life.

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Time

June 8, 2010 at 7:13 am (Uncategorized)

The length of this post represents the amount of time I have to waste on thinking about you.

It’s not my loss.

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Father Always Knows Best

June 7, 2010 at 6:36 am (Uncategorized)

So this might be my tradition, to start off some of my mornings with rants about much you mean to me. As of right now you mean very, VERY little to me.

When my father told me to break it off with you, I should have listened. That would have saved me so much heartache. He told me that you sounded like bad news and that continuing the relationship would have just spelled out trouble for me.

Little did I know how right he was.

But I decided, hey I’m 19 and I began this relationship out of my own volition, so I would continue it because it was something that I wanted on my own and I did not want him to control every damn thing in my life. This is the one thing I wanted, so I continued it behind his back. Thus began 2 years of lies. That’s what you were, a LIE. A measly, pale-white lie. Even my mother didn’t know. I couldn’t tell my mother the one person all girls are supposed to run to to dish about their boyfriends, but I justified the whole thing by saying to myself once we become established and begin our futures together they will have to get over their qualms about him because he is worth it. He is worth all this trouble. I realize that my dad was right. NO guy is worth lying to my parents for. No guy is worth hiding from them. Especially not you. If I had ended it, I would have been less invested in the relationship and being able to continue my life without you would have been much, MUCH easier. You would have just as soon been forgotten from my memory and some other female schmuck would have been none the wiser and then she could have been screwed by you.

I can remember all of the times that I told my father that I was done with you and that I wasn’t with you, knowing fully well that I was lying through my teeth. I hate that I had to do that. I know it wasn’t your fault that I had to lie, but since all my sadness this week is your fault, I’m blaming you for this one too. It’s my blog. I can do that. So I blame you. Assbag.

Hell, I should have rejected your sorry ass when you asked me out in the first place. You looked so nervous when you asked me, and maybe that’s why I said yes, because you probably would have gone home crying if I said no to you. Hm.

Well I have a pretty big final exam to study for tomorrow and my focus has been on and off. I’m going to say this once and for all: If I fail my exams tomorrow and the next day, the blame is 100% yours. I didn’t ask for this, you tool. I didn’t ask for my world to be completely turned upside down just so that you could have a convenient excuse to end it with me. None of this was my doing. So if I fail, or do even remotely badly: I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR RUINING THE LAST QUARTER OF MY JUNIOR YEAR. I WILL NEVER EVER FORGIVE YOU. Be rest assured of that. So if you know a way to help me not fail this exam, you better tell me. You know how to contact me. Unless you deleted my number already, which I won’t put past you as you are a stranger to me now.

For what you have put me through, you owe me that much at least.

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Some of My Random Thoughts

June 6, 2010 at 9:06 am (Uncategorized)

So it’s been a while since I last posted something on my blog, I’ve actually kind of given up on the whole blogging thing, but it is finals week and before I can begin studying for the finals, I needed to get down some of my thoughts about my recent break-up with a guy I thought I loved very much.

He was (I hate that now I have to use the past tense for this) my love and my life. I was so happy with him. Sure, we fought, but that’s normal. We’d always make-up and move on with our lives. He’s a senior and I am junior in college so there would have been a gap year before I would have graduated. We were both applying to medical school and I thought that we would continue our relationship long-distance with an occasional visit here and there and then we would matriculate to the same medical school and start right where we left off, but this time beginning our professional life together. HOWEVER, the part that makes me the most hurt is the fact that he didn’t even want to try to continue the long-distance relationship. That meant that he did not even want for the relationship to continue in the first place, because if you wanted something to work you would do everything in your power to make it happen, and if doesn’t then it isn’t for lack of trying. I later found out that he didn’t want it to continue.

After ruminating over how he broke up with me, I fluctuate between extreme hurt and extreme hate. What is it today? It’s hate.

So, with that said, if you ever see this, even though I am sure you won’t, because you have already forgotten about me and have moved on, like an assbag that you are, I will tell you exactly how much I hate you.

1) I hate you for wasting 2 years of my life. That’s all I can regard them as. As a fucking waste of my time.

2) I hate you for allowing me to become so enamoured with you.

3) I hate that you messed up my vision of us having a nice life together.

4) I hate you for using words like ‘future’ and ‘we will’ making me think that there was an ‘us’ beyond the undergraduate level

5) I hate that you are such a god-damned push-over and and can never speak up for yourself making me seem like I walked over you.

6) I hate that you keep everything to yourself that is bothering you and then you use that as an excuse to break-up with me.

7) I hate that I keep dwelling on this and as far as I am concerned you have forgotten about me just like that.

8 ) I hate that I had so many ‘firsts’ with you and you are willing to throw all that away

9) I hate that if there was something bothering you, you never said anything about it until it became too late. How the hell am I supposed to be a mind-reader??

10) I hate that you said that you said you weren’t ready for a commitment when you knew fully well that I was. Which meant that you were leading me on for 2 whole years!

11) I hate that you ended it during finals week.

There are so many more hateful sentences that I could write, but I am so angry right now that writing about it is only taking more time away from what I need to do.

In summary, I hate you. I hate you so goddamn much. I wish you the worst in life right now. I hope you are never happy. Ever. I hope that you are so consumed with guilt that it immobilizes you. I hope that this makes you realize how shitty a person you are, because you are. You’re such a shitty person. You’re such a loser who depended too much on me. You are so worthless. The shit in the toilet is worth more than you.

Fuck you, asshole.

That is all.

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You’ve Got Male!

January 21, 2010 at 11:36 am (Uncategorized)

So some odd weeks ago, I let you in on my top 10 (actually top 9) female crushes, and I think enough time has passed to evaluate my top 10 male crushes. These men are, in my opinion hot, hot, HOT! So for all my female readers: Enjoy! And for all my male readers, BE JEALOUS! Haha

Cheers!

The Voice of the Vixen

1) Channing Tatum

2) Matt Lanter

3) Eric Dane

4) Frank Mir

5) Chase Crawford

6) Tyson Beckford

7) David Beckham

8) Zac Efron

9) Daniel Radcliffe

10) So I know I haven’t even scratched the surface of extremely hot guys, so I want to know who your favorite hottie is! Leave me a comment to tell me who I missed…

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You Never Really Think About These Things, but They are SO TRUE!!! (part 1)

January 5, 2010 at 10:37 am (Uncategorized)

I wish I could take all the credit by coming up with these on my own, but alas I cannot, so please enjoy reading through these mini-revelations and bask in the feeling that will inevitably come when you realize that “Oh Yeeeeahhhh!, That is SOOO true!!!”

Cheers!

The Voice of the Vixen

I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think
about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own
story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
you’re wrong.

I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have
fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when
they’ve invented the lighter?

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going
in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going?
But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from
which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or
phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no
one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching
directions on the sidewalk.

That’s enough, Nickelback.

I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was
younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This
recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be
ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work?
You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the
problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix
the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just
figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the fuck was going on when I first saw
it.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes
stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes
shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right
parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond
earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.

The other night I hit a new low at an open bar. I had already hopped on
highway blackout when, inevitably I had to find a bathroom. Eventually I
decided it was probably on the other side of the bar so I tried to walk
over there, but ran into a guy coming the other way. We played that, Both
go left, Both go right game to no avail, so I finally put out my hand to
guide myself past and that’s is when I realized, yup, that’s a mirror I
just tried to walk through. And the guy on the other side is me. Even cats
can re cognize their own image.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take
2 trips to bring my groceries in.

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What’s Unique About YOU?

December 2, 2009 at 9:15 pm (Uncategorized) (, , )

I am surrounded by people all the time who tell me things that define them uniquely as a person. However, these are people that I know personally, so I can see them when they tell me these things. However, I want to hear from my followers out there. Leave me a comment letting me know something unique about yourself…it can be anything from the fact that you can’t sleep without your pickled tonsils in a jar from your tonsillectomy next to your night stand to the fact that you have a 12th toe.

It will be interesting to see what quirks describe the people who follow my blog….let loose…have fun with your comment! (I’ll comment back if you’d like me to)

Cheers,

The Voice of the Vixen

We all have our quirks

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